


necesse est mori

by lucidnightmares



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: 1.000+ words let’s go boys, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Cancer, Character Study, Dark, Death, Depressing, Gen, Hospitals, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito's Luck Cycle, Komaeda Nagito-centric, Komaeda Nagito’s Parents Mention, Leukemia, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Platonic Relationships, Sick Komaeda Nagito, Suicidal Thoughts, Terminal Illnesses, Title is in Latin, or alternatively
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidnightmares/pseuds/lucidnightmares
Summary: Nagito is getting worse, so Hajime goes to visit him.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Komaeda Nagito
Kudos: 28





	necesse est mori

No matter how old he gets, and no matter how many trips to the hospital he takes, Hajime doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how eerie hospitals feel.

In any case, he has to do this. It’s just the right thing to do, and it’d be wrong otherwise. He is his friend, after all.

He sighs, and turns the knob of the door to Nagito’s hospital room.

He can feel eyes on him in an instant, Nagito’s head snapping up at the creak of the door, checking to see who it is. They make eye contact, and the luckster weakly smiles.

“Hinata-kun,” he croaks out, and Hajime slightly cringes. “You came to visit me.”

He doesn’t bother to correct the usage of his surname. No matter how many times he’s tried to tell the lucky student that he can call him by his first name, it seems that Nagito will refuse to call him by his given name until the day he—

...Hajime doesn’t finish that thought.

“Of course I did,” Hajime replies, and awkwardly shuffles, taking a seat besides Nagito’s hospital bed. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not the most desired place to sit at. Even then, he can’t complain.

“You shouldn’t have wasted your time visiting me. It’s a Sunday, after all.” Nagito hums, but he doesn’t seem too upset about it. Part of Hajime thinks Nagito can’t get upset, at this point. He’d like to call him an optimist, but Hajime doesn’t think that quite describes Nagito, and is reminded of the fact that, by all accounts, Nagito Komaeda is absolutely ineffable. 

“You said the same thing about me visiting you on a weekday, though.” is what he concedes on replying after snapping out of his thoughts, and when all he receives is a shrug and another smile as a reply, he can’t say he’s too surprised.

It’s peaceful, almost. This routine they’ve set up. Even if Hajime has to spread out and scramble the times he visits Nagito, because otherwise, the latter gets cagey and uncomfortable, like he’s putting him on suicide watch or something. It’s not like that, not exactly, but he gets where Nagito is coming from, so he randomizes his schedule to align with Nagito’s visiting hours. It’s tough, sure, but he makes it work.

Most of the time, during these little visits of his, they stay silent, and bask in one another’s company. It’s the time spent that matters, and not the words spoken, or something like that. Nagito looks out the window and Hajime can’t help but look with him, and watch as the sky turns a mix of crisp orange and deep scarlet.

It’s calming, in a way. In many ways, actually. But even then, even in this moment of tranquility, he feels unsettled. Not that it’s Nagito’s fault, of course, or really anyone’s. He’s never liked hospitals, to be honest. That, and the fact something feels off today. Just not… entirely correct.

“Hey, Hinata-kun?”

“Yeah, Nagito?”

“Do you ever think about the fact you’re gonna die?”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, indeed, Hajime thinks to himself.

He pauses, and then shifts uncomfortably in his chair. Nagito isn’t even looking at him, and that just makes it all the more difficult to reply to. He doesn’t respond, doesn’t think he can respond, in honesty, and so the luckster takes that as an opportunity to continue speaking.

“Sorry if that freaked you out,” he chuckles, quietly, almost silently wheezing with each breath, and keeps talking. “But… I’ve been thinking about it lately. I mean, there’s no guarantee that I’m gonna die. My good luck might override it.” He appears in deep thought, and for what feels like the first time, he seems calm, at peace, and so Hajime doesn’t interrupt him.

“But… I guess what I’m trying to ask is,” he turns and looks at Hajime, and they make eye contact. His eyes feel piercing, intimidating, like he’s staring right into his soul. His expression appears neutral, yet his brows are furrowed.

“Have you ever wanted to die, Hajime?”

He freezes momentarily, because god, what kind of question is that? Something stirs inside of him, uncomfortable, deeply uncomfortable. But even then, he has to at least respond.

“No, I… I haven’t. I’ve never really actively wanted to die before.” Is all he can say, and Nagito appears pleased. The luckster turns his head back to the window, stares at the now night sky. “I guess I sort of expected that,” he says. “You’re not the kind of person to wish for death in general.”

“..Have you? Wanted to die, I mean.” Hajime finds himself asking, even against his better judgement. He should know better than to ask this question, but…

Silence fills the air for a moment, and Nagito considers the question, tucking a lock of fluffy white hair behind his ear, appearing to be thinking hard about what he can say to that. 

“Yes,” he finally says, “Yes, I have. Many times.” And Hajime almost feels a bit ashamed for not being too surprised at that answer.

“I guess you aren’t too shocked, huh?” Nagito laughs out, almost as if he was reading Hajime’s mind. “Maybe you expect this kind of thing. In any situation, I seem like the type to do that, don’t I?” Before Hajime can even think of a reply, the lucky student keeps speaking.

“Maybe that’s a sort of… inevitability to life. Wishing you were dead, that is. I guess I have a reason to want to die.” He says, sounding so wise and educated about it, that it catches Hajime off guard a little. “My parents are dead, nearly everyone who befriends me has something bad happen to them, and I’m terminally ill. It’s pretty tragic. Do I deserve death, though?”

Hajime considers the question, allowing it to sit heavy in his mind, before formulating a response. “Well, no. You don’t. Nobody deserves death, no matter what.”

Nagito laughs in reply, seeming almost bittersweet. “I don’t think you took my words in the right context, Hinata-kun.” Before he can even ask what he means, Nagito continues talking, in the calmest, most collected voice possible. It’s a bit eerie, truthfully.

“I meant do I deserve death as in, do I deserve that release? I mean, consider the facts here. My luck has probably been responsible for several injuries and deaths. It sucks, doesn’t it? Should I be allowed the peace of death, or no? Or perhaps is it a situation in which I can pay for their lives with mine? Eye for an eye, tit for tat.” He says, wistfully, lost in thought, and it takes Hajime a moment to process what was just said.

But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t reply, maybe hoping that Nagito will continue talking, maybe hoping for something else entirely. Either way, it doesn’t matter. The room is quiet once more.

Nagito turns to him, and smiles, weak and a bit disheartening. “Thank you for listening, Hinata-kun. I think you should go home now.”

Hajime takes a shaky inhale, and stands up, grabbing his bag. “..Right. See you later, Nagito.”

Even though Hajime leaves, he spends that night laying in his bed, staring at his ceiling, wide awake, knowing he was right. Nagito Komaeda really is ineffable.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is ryosukekatayama


End file.
